A little put off by Volga's seemingly closed exterior - capped with soft-cream swirls a la Red Square's St Basil's cathedral - we took a leap of faith and ventured down the plush staircase into a world of kitsch. Perusing the photographic testimonials from celebrities such as Paul Smith and the President of Haiti, we took a moment to stroke the jewel-studded velvet wall and admire the faux icons and suit of armor that could have come straight from one of the Politburo's gaudy Black Sea dachas. The last time we encountered anything approaching such ostentation was on a visit to the Kremlin treasure house as guests of the KGB - but that's another story.
Inside, the opulence is continued with a classic French and Russian menu that is almost as copious as a Tolstoy epic and naturally features everyone's favorite Soviet export: caviar. Never ones to shirk a bit of decadence, we settled down to a dish of pale gray Sevruga (JY7500)-28g of the full-bodied soft-textured grains came with some divine blini, malty rye bread, chopped egg, lemon, capers, onions and smetana (Russian sour cream). Smearing the black gold on a singular blin, we watched the waiter pour our martinis. We'd opted for The Vesper - a gin-based beauty concocted by James Bond for a beautiful spy - and a regular vodka martini. With 29 kinds of the national drink available, wannabe-Muscovites will have no trouble toasting Mother Russia.
If your rubles won't stretch to scrambled Faberge eggs and caviar, try the reasonable prix fixe menu (JY4800) of appetizer, main course and dessert or the traditional Russian course menu (JY6900) that features marinated herring fillets with pickles and shashilik (skewered roasted rack of lamb) and pelemini (meat ravioli in soup). We opted for the a la carte-hot cream of crab soup with tawny port (JY1700) followed by salmon fillet in a pie crust (JY2500). Both were wonderfully rich, heavily French-influenced, and worthy of a Tsar's banquet table. If we hadn't had a clandestine rendezvous with a foreign agent looming, we would have put the famed piroshiki (deep fried meat pie, JY400) and the borsch (JY950) through their paces. Instead we added a touch of détente and ordered the crispy apple tart with custard and cinnamon ice (JY1200) and a couple of fresh martinis to toast Russo-American relations and the chef's health.